More Henny Humor

I loved Henny Youngman as a kid. Bob Hope had the money and most of the fame, but Henny was every bit his equal when it came to delivering one-liners. Here’s a sample from his album 10,000 One-Liners.

• A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says, “Okay, let’s get started.”

• Another drunk goes up to a parking meter, puts in a quarter, the dial goes to 60. The drunk says, “Huh. I lost 100 pounds!”

• Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?” “$50,000” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

• I’m now making a Jewish porno film. 10% Sex, 90% guilt.

• A bum came up to me saying, “I haven’t eaten in two days!” I said, “You should force yourself!”

• Another bum told me, “I haven’t tasted food all week.” I told him, “Don’t worry, it still tastes the same!”

• I was walking down the street, and I found a man’s hand in my pocket. I asked, “What do you want?” “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.”

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Published in: on December 17, 2009 at 4:26 PM  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

    • Thanks. The old articles were simply transferred en masse from a Kindle forum thread I did consisting almost entirely of literary anecdotes—not much room for creativity there. 🙂


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